Self image.
If you're honest with yourself about yourself (did you follow that) - to put it plainly when you think of you as a person are you honest with yourself? I don't mean critical but honest?
Did you immediately think of your physical attributes? I know I did. I'm critical too and lately I've been very, very (bordering unhealthily) concerned with my over-all physique; but I haven't really been all that active in doing anything about it. I've been taking a relaxed approach to getting back in shape.
Until recently.
My husband wants to go visit some of his long-time friends in Montreal. I love these people, I've never met a larger group of affable people in all my life. They are easy going, relaxed, easy-come, easy-go and really quite fun. My kind of people.
They are also, to me, very ... ... well, ... ... very chic I guess - stylish. I. AM. NOT. never have been. They are all also quite fit and very active. These days I'm not so fit, actually haven't been in quite a while. I blame my husband for making me fat and happy :)
I digress.
My point is I suddenly find myself intimidated by these people that I once found to be so fun. I find, suddenly, a huge hesitation in wanting to go on this trip.
But ditching a fun-filled trip to a chalet that sits on a lake in the woods outside Montreal (nice, huh?) because I suddenly have self-image issues is really quite stupid. I know I will (eventually) get fit again. I know that they are all super nice people and aren't likely (I hope) to judge me based on my current...eh-hem...slovenly appearance. So,
I will go on this trip.
I will be very self-conscious.
I will get through this and
I will learn from the general discomfort of the whole situation and NEVER let myself get so damned out of shape again!
Now, everyone, give me three cheers! GO JENN!! GO JENN!! GO JENN, GOOOO!!
Didn't work.
I still don't want to go...but I will.
But I WON'T wear a swimsuit! :)
But I WON'T wear a swimsuit! :)
2 comments:
I think you should go and get one of those two piecers from Lands End first. Order a bunch of styles in a bunch of different colors and a couple of wraps, then return which ever ones don't fit and flatter. That's what I did last year before our trip to Florida and I was so glad I did.
You ARE fabulous - you may not be a skinny minny right now, but you're curvaceous and you're still a knockout! That being said, I totally get it. You KNOW I do. I just hope I can help you help yourself and realize that you're just fine to wear a swimsuit up there - the water would be fun - Peter and Paul and Mark would love to swim with you, and when they look at you they don't see a Jenn who isn't in the best shape of her life, they see the Mommy and wife they love with all of their hearts. And that's what counts.
Oh, and another thing that helped me in my own swimsuit angst last summer with my size 0 SIL? Margaritas with breakfast! It's vacation, right?!!?!
Jen,
Thanks for this awesome post! Just the other night I was going through my clothes to pack for the Maryland trip and nothing fits. :( Today I decided that I was going to spend some money on new, stylish clothes (for me anyway) and just be content with my "fat and happy" self. I have seen a lot of larger women look really cute and I think I can rock that image, too. At least I'm going to try.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your inner feelings and reminding some of us that we're not the only ones. I am absolutely sure that those long lost friends are going to love you as much now as when they first met you. Have a great time!
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